Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize