i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
