How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize