If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
