You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
