Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
