maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
