Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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