I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
