nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
