He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
