too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
