you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
