theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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