i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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