I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The Olympian is in my bed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
