There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Pants are for mortals
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
