Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
