i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
