I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
