I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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