If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
