bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
