i think i scared a bird with my dick
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
