That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
