i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
