My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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