She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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