pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
