I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
