Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
