guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
