ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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