i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
