Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Still dying that you shit outside
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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