well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
