I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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