Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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