let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
