I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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