We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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