i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
love makes seman taste better
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
