A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
