Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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