New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
