Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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