Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
