Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
