We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
