Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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