i just had sex bonerless
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
