when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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