I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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