i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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