No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
