You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
