I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it hurts more in the daytime
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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