eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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