Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
BRING THE BAGELS
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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