I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm always down for nudity.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
