Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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