Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
