Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
