apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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