you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
