I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
