idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
