Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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