Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
