my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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