the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
