you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
