Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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