I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize