Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
