Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
honey bunches of taint.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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