no, he came in my armpit
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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