Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
