mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
