rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
