Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
