i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
