His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
