so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
