I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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