i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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