also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
