just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
