I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
