Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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