i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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