I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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