next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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