Got a toothbrush?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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