I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
