I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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