my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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