it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
