The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
