i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
