is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
