whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish you could order shots online.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
